Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
