someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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