You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
