Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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