You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
