i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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