1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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