There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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