OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
