My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
