she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
