Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
3pm strippers are depressing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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