wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When did angry sex become our thing?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
