Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
