Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
