what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize