Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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