If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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