Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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