Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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