I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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