Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
