Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
