He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
