i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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