Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
