My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
