i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
