I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
