I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
