Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize