btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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