Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
