my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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