i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
