After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
