She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize