I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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