Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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