I want to walk on stilts...naked
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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