what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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