Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
