i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
