I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
