How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
