It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
