Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize