he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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