I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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