apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
