How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So. Much. Porn.
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