After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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