By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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