i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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