just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
