I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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