This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
