After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
