I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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