miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
ok first of all what the fuck
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
