so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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