I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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