I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
